So you want to move to another country?

I've gotten a couple of emails recently from some of my blog readers seeking advice for moving to another country.  For some of them, they fantasize about being able to move to a different country and start a different life and for others, they are actually taking that step and doing it.  Either way, talking about it and doing it are two completely different things.  Nothing is ever as you think it will be.  Here is my experience so far.  Keep in mind, I'm still trying to find my way here, too.  So, if you have advice for me, I'll take it haha!

I've been in Derry, Ireland now for nine months.  Cannot believe it has been nine months! Time has flown and it feels like I just got here.  I have to say, it hasn't been easy but, I don't know how easy it is to ever uproot one's life...quitting a job, leaving friends, family, car, basically everything you've ever known.  The hardest part was the first six months and even today, I still don't feel fully settled (maybe when they open a Taco Bell here...but, I dunno).  But, it has gotten easier.

The first six months I think are usually the hardest when it comes to moving to a different country.  Personally, I did my best to put on a brave face, put on my big girl pants and just get on with life.  Of course, that brave face was the one I wore when I was out in public.  At home, I was depressed. I managed to pull myself out of my depression long enough to teach my Zumba classes and I felt great at class, but at home, the depression returned. Barry had to witness the worst of it.  Probably the worst day was when I threw a box of scarves at Barry while I was deep in one of my crying fits.  Don't feel bad for him...it was only scarves, it's not like it was a box of books or anything.  But, the look on his face...one of pure confusion and a did-she-really-just-f******-throw-a-box-of-scarves-at-me look was priceless.  If only I would have thought to turn my video camera on we could have been YouTube sensations.

Anyway, I cried everyday for the first three months at least.  I cried because I wanted to go home. I cried because I had no friends here.  I cried because I missed my car. I cried because I missed my family.  I cried because it was like having to re-learn every aspect of my day-to-day life...aspects that you normally don't think about.  I felt almost as if I were recovering from a head injury.  A few examples of these different aspects are:

• Even though English is spoken here in Derry of course...a lot of it I didn't understand. Do you know what it means when someone passes you on the street and randomly says "Alright" to you?  I didn't, but now I do (it means hello). Check out this blog post and this blog post to get an idea of some of the language differences.  
• And, it took me nearly eight months to be able to open my own bank account here simply because I wasn't a citizen.  And, because of that there are about a dozen extra hoops you have to jump through to do the simplest things...like opening a bank account or even getting a established in a doctor's office.  
• And, I had to learn how to drive on the opposite side of the road.  Which, I did...here's proof.
• I had to re-learn how to use a washing machine and a dishwasher.  Remember this post from my second week here where I babysat Barry's two nieces for a week?

Of course, no one's experiences will be exactly the same as mine, but it may give you an idea.

Now, nine months later, the crying spells have more or less stopped and I'm slowly beginning to feel less and less like a fish out of water.  Of course there are still moments...some weird, some awkward and some just plain hateful, but for the most part it's easier.

Just remember if you ever do move somewhere else, it will be hard, but if you have a good reason to do it, it does make it all worth it.  Here was and is my reason and the only way I think I've kept myself sane throughout this process:

My wonderful husband, Barry.

And, of course, another reason has been my wonderful Zumba classes and participants who have made me feel welcome and at home and have given me energy to keep on keeping on:

Here's a few of them from our Zumba Halloween Party...all dressed up and lookin' good!

Plus, being in a different country makes going home to visit that much more precious and it makes you realize and appreciate your friends and family more which is why I'm so looking forward to going home for Christmas this year...not to mention, I'll be going through the Taco Bell drive through about a dozen times while I'm there.

The Bittersweet Symphony of a big move

I'm sitting at my desk tonight, which is something I rarely do.  Usually I'm lying in bed, watching television and since it happens to be Sunday night, I'd also usually be dreading the thought of going to work tomorrow.  I shouldn't dread work.  It's not a bad job, really.  Anyway, I'm not creating this post to talk about my job, especially since I won't have it for much longer.  Nope, and that's terrifying.  No job, no paycheck, no benefits.  *Shudder.*  But, that is my choice and will open up a whole new world for me--a new world in Ireland.  With a loving husband, but still yet for me, an unknown world.  Living there, I imagine will truly be different than visiting.  Anyway, I digress. 

Actually, I'm sitting at my desk writing out contact lists for my family so they may be able to know every way possible to contact me while I'm in Ireland (Skype address, Barry's phone, Barry's address, Barry's parent's address, etc.) and I'm listening to Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve at the same time.  Killer song, by the way.  Never gets old. I can't help but relate what a Bittersweet Symphony this move is for me. 

Bitter--leaving my family, friends and all I've ever known. It's difficult to wrap my head around the fact that I won't be waking up every morning in an empty apartment (aside from my feline companions Charlie and Fox Jeffrey) to go to work at the Charleston Area Alliance where I've reported every day since November 2006 and where I've been allowed an amazing opportunity within the organization and honestly, the job has helped me develop my knowledge of a town I've spent my whole life in and also made me realize I'm capable of much more than I ever thought possible.  It's also difficult for me to imagine that I can't text my brother on a Friday morning and ask him if he wants to go to lunch at Sitar of India for some Chicken Tikka Masala.  Since his office is about three blocks from mine, it has been something that has been easy to do over the past year, since he's moved back home from Pittsburgh. Also, I've been spending Sunday afternoons and evenings at my mom's house ever since I moved out, when I was twenty years old, some ten years ago.  I think, most of all, that will be the most difficult--to know that she is not just a thirty minute drive away. Of course, it is always difficult when you make a change and I know that.  I've never been against change and I do go along with it, but it is certainly never easy.

Sweet--to be with my husband, take this huge risk and go on an adventure which will only make me a stronger person, I expect. I mean, the summer I spent in Madrid studying was certainly an adventure and helped me grow as a person.  I can only imagine how an indefinite move to Ireland will change me as well.  It's thrilling to me to finally be able to wake up next to Barry after two and a half years of waking up alone, Skyping each night and bi-monthly international visits.  It's also refreshing to know that my family, some of who have never been to Europe, will have the opportunity to visit me in Ireland because I would hate for them to go their whole lives and never see Europe.  It's an extraordinary continent full of history and beautiful architecture. 

Now, Barry has asked me to stop blogging about how much stress I'm under, so I have tried my best to not do so here even though I'm going through an amazing amount of stress.  However, I'm trying my best to stay focused on the positive of everything and I certainly should have a postive outlook on everything and mostly I do.  I mean, 2010 has been an amazing year.  I got married, had an amazing honeymoon, got my book published, became a licensed Zumba instructor and had a successful first book signing.  I expect 2011 to be just as extraordinary.

Preparing for my ever after

So, I’ve met my soul mate, had the fairy tale wedding and am now preparing to live happily ever after.  I sometimes, momentarily, wish it was like everyone else’s happily ever after…you know…you meet someone, fall in love, date for a while, get married and then go straight in to your newlywed life.  Um, yeah.  That’s definitely not anything like mine.  Although Barry and I have gotten married, we certainly are not typical newlyweds since we are currently living, at the moment, on separate continents.  He’s in Ireland and I’m in the United States.  Of course, we’ve never had the typical relationship.  He’s always been in Ireland and I’ve always been in the U.S.  We’ve never had an actual dating life together as most couples do. Sure, when we would visit each other’s respective countries, we would go out to dinner or movies, but those evenings were few and far between.  Thank goodness for commercial airlines and Skype, otherwise, we wouldn’t have made it. 

So, now it’s time.  We’ve been married for nearly three months and it’s definitely time we actually get to live together like a married couple.  But, here’s the kicker.  In order to do this, one of us has to move…to a different country.  And, that someone is me.  For me to move makes sense for us for a lot of different reasons, which I won’t get in to here.  But, yes, I’m headed to Ireland, so top ‘o the morning to ye!

 

What a simple thing that is for me to say:  “I’m headed to Ireland.” It rolls off the tongue so easily.  However, there is nothing easy at all about moving since this isn’t just a move down the street; it involves a whole mix of planning, emotions and…boxes.  I have to figure out what to do with my car, my belongings, and my cats (both of which will be coming with me after a mountain of paperwork and vet visits are complete).  Can I teach my Zumba classes once I get there? Will I adjust okay to a new country? Will I make new friends? Oh, no…will I be able to drive on the opposite side of the street? (This actually just hit me). Well, the list of concerns and questions in relation to this move goes on and on.  But, I’ll stop them here as I feel an anxiety attack coming on at the very thought of it.  I’m reaching for a paper bag to breathe in.

Planning for the move is not a problem. In fact, I’m probably the planning queen of the world.  Yes, keeping everything organized in nice neat little folders is no problem. It’s these damned emotions that make it hard.  These emotions won’t go into little folders and they certainly won’t arrange themselves neatly! The emotions have probably been the most overwhelming part for me.  In fact, I’ve learned to live with (not happily) my panic and anxiety attacks I’ve developed over the past several weeks as it relates to move (as I once again reach for a paper bag to breathe in).  The guilt, the fear, the excitement, the unknown…well, at least these are some of the emotions I’ve been able to identify as I prepare for this life changing situation.  The other emotions are just in there swimming around all willy-nilly waiting for me to wrangle them in, which I hope I’m able to do. 

As I prepare for and finally make my move within the next few months and adjust to life in Ireland once I get there, I’ll post what’s going on, so you can join me on this journey as well, and perhaps, give me some advice when needed.