A gaggle of spiders

If you recall this post, you'll remember how much I hate spiders.  Nothing has changed...I still hate them.  Death to spiders.

So, last night I came home from Bingo (I'll pause now long enough for you to get a little giggle in about me going to Bingo)...

(Pause)

Yes, I've been going to Bingo with a couple of girls from my Zumba class on Monday nights.  I haven't won yet...but, I'm expecting to any day now!

Anyway, I came home from Bingo and walked in to the kitchen where I was greeted by this:

Well, technically it wasn't a tarantula but it might as well have been!  It was the size of a quarter or a 10p.

Naturally, I froze before calling Barry from his peaceful slumber.  He stumbled in to confront the beast.  But, see, he didn't want to kill it.  He was going to just pick it up in a paper towel and throw it out the window.  So, in the process of gingerly picking up the spider in a paper towel he dropped it!  Uh, yeah!  Dropped it!!!  Not only did he drop it, but it was so big, the spider actually made a "thud" noise as it hit the ground!  Seriously!

Luckily, he was able to pick it up and get it out of the house before I lost my shit.  But, I still didn't rest easy last night.  I dreamed of spiders all night.  They were falling on me from the sky.

Barry says that spiders don't travel in packs or groups, but I think he's wrong.  To prove him wrong I decided to Google the topic today to see if in fact spiders travel alone or in pairs or perhaps they travel in gaggles...I dunno.  A gaggle of spiders?  Yeah, I think I've heard of that before.  I didn't tell him I was searching the topic.

It just so turned out today that when I Googled the topic, I was using Barry's laptop and became distracted during my search and forgot to close out the web page.  So, when Barry used his computer again, it was still up there.

About ten minutes later, I receive this email from my wonderful, dear husband complete with photographs:



Dear Mrs Concannon,

we have since reviewed your internet activity and our committee has come to the conclusion that your 'net' privileges should be hereby suspended.  We feel also that due to your incessant coughing and general rowdiness at night that you should in future sleep in the street with the spiders. As to your query i have enclosed two photographs which
A. Pose the original question and
B. Answer the aforementioned question.
We at Google endeavour to answer any and all questions no matter how idiotic.

Thank you very much indeed.




And here are the photos that accompanied the email:

A screenshot of my Google search Barry took to prove I was busted I guess. The terms I searched for were "Do spiders travel alone?"

And, a photo that proves spiders do travel alone...although this doesn't really count.  I didn't ask Google if Spider Man travels alone!

He mentions the incessant coughing and general rowdiness in the email because my acid reflux has flared up big time thanks to being pregnant and my general rowdiness is simply because the acid reflux keeps me awake all night and I get bored so I make noise at night I suppose.  Eh, oh well.

And, if you're wondering...some spiders do travel in pairs!  Sleep easy.

Death by spider beast

Barry lured me to Ireland under false pretenses.  And, then...I was almost killed by a spider this week.  Let me explain.

You see, when Barry first informed me that there were no snakes in Ireland, I was shocked and relieved.  I couldn't imagine! I had no idea there were no snakes in Ireland (to find out why there are no snakes, click here)!  After all, I grew up in West Virginia...which is crawling with snakes...but not just any snakes...dangerous, scary, poisonous snakes like this:

A rabid, killer, psycho rattlesnake.

But then, he sweetened the pot even more and told me there were no spiders in Ireland either!  I hate snakes, but I hate spiders SO much more!  No spiders!  Glory be!  I was excited because, again, coming from West Virginia, we have dangerous, big, scary, poisonous spiders there, too!  Like this:

The demonic, sociopathic Black Widow.  My brother and I actually found one of these out in the backyard once while playing as children.

Anyway, imagine my surprise when I was in the shop yesterday putting away candy bars and this mutha f@£&er jumped out at me (And it did jump out at me and it had a knife in its hand.  Actually, there were knives in all if its hands...I saw them all.  And, it WAS this big. I'm not exaggerating at all.):

Yes...surprise to say the least.  I avoided the knife attack by screaming and jumping around like a maniac.  The spider dropped its knives and ran away.  Barry watched the whole encounter obviously amused by my reaction to this beast.

Me: "YOU said there were no spiders here! What was that?"
Barry: (Still laughing inappropriately at my near death experience.) "I never said there were no spiders here.  I said there were NO DANGEROUS spiders here."
Me: (Checking my body for stab wounds.)"Nope, you said zero spiders in Ireland just like there are no snakes!"
Barry:  "Aye, there are no snakes, but I never said no spiders."
Me:  (Hmmph.)  Are there spiders in the flat upstairs?
Barry:  (Silence accompanied with a look that clearly suggests there ARE spiders upstairs.)
Me:  There are aren't there?  Where did you see it last?  How big was it?  Where was it?
Barry: (Snickering.)  Awk, I found one the other day but I didn't tell you.
Me:  WHERE was it?  Was it in the bed?
Barry: (Laughing.) Seriously?  You won't ever see a spider in the bed.
Me:  (I'm beyond freaked at this point.)Then where was it?!
Barry: In the shower.
Me: How many were there?
Barry: Just one.
Me: Have you ever seen any more in the flat ever before?
Barry: Aye.
Me: (I have to plan my attack.)When? Where were they?
Barry:  Awk, I don't remember where they were now.  It may have been four or five months ago.
Me:  I'm calling an exterminator!
Barry:  Aw, shutup...you won't be able to get rid of spiders.  They're everywhere.
Me: (This last statement doesn't make me feel any better.  They're everywhere.  My skin is crawling.)


So, now you understand.  He told me there were no spiders here (even though he denies saying no spiders and insists he said no DANGEROUS spiders).  I thought I would live a spiderless existence here...but alas, it is not to be.  After some research, I did find the spider that almost caused me to meet my maker yesterday.  It  looked more like this I think...it all happened so fast.  Just your average house spider...of which I've seen before in America.  But, still.  Freakin' spiders.