Sunday, May 13, 2012

Elevator snatchers



I suppose it's now that I have a baby that I notice these things, but since I have noticed these things, I can't stop myself from bitching about them now.  Let's talk about it--inconsiderate assholes.  Now, there are soooooo many types of inconsiderate assholes out there, but I'm referring to one in particular right now.  And, that particular type of asshole is one who cares or pays absolutely no attention to a pram. I'm going to create a special name for them...now, I'm not going to be really creative about this special name, because honestly, I have a baby and I'm tired.  My creativity is flip-flopping everywhere.  So, they are called inconsiderate about prams assholes (I told you it wouldn't be great). I'm going to do this Jeff Foxworthy, you might be a redneck style.

 You might be an inconsiderate about prams asshole if:

  • You speed up when you see a pram crossing the street.  This has happened several times.  Sometimes we aren't using the Zebra crossings, and I can perhaps slightly understand a motorist's annoyance at that, but the times when we ARE using Zebra crossings and people nearly clip the tires of the pram because God forbid they slow down, well that just makes you a prick. 
  • You have two normal, working legs and yet you still insist upon taking the elevator in the shopping centre instead of the escalator.  It's an escalator...you don't have to move...it moves YOU and it is LITERALLY TWO FEET AWAY from the elevator!  Catch yourself on and let the person with the pram have your space on the elevator. You can't take prams on escalators...duh!
  • You happen to take the elevator (even though you have two wonderfully working legs) and the elevator stops half way between where you started and your final destination and you see a woman with a pram trying to get in the elevator because there IS room and you push the door close button while the woman is getting in the elevator and the doors shut ON THE PRAM while you mutter that there is no room.  Well, you're not just a prick for that, you're going to burn in hell.  In case you can't tell, this just happened to us in Belfast this past Wednesday.
I admit, I didn't notice prams much before I had a baby, but I'm certain I didn't do any of the above because I used a bit of sense.  In fact, the only time I probably noticed another pram before having a baby is when I was nearly run over by them because the folks pushing the prams don't stop or even pretend to care if they run over your toes.  I'm happy to say that Barry and I have not turned into those types of pram pushers yet, but the next time you take our spot on an elevator even though you have no pram, wheelchair or other type of physical impairment, look out.  We may just run over you with our Graco Mosaic all-in-one.  

Happy Monday!

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