Weak and Whatta Man

As traditional ways of soothing Isla continue to fail with her colic, I've now resorted to singing to her.  Sometimes she enjoys it, sometimes she does not.  However, I've found that my repertoire of children's songs is nearly non-existent.  I know just a few songs: The Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Jesus Loves Me.  I know a few other songs, but not the entire song like I know these three.  If I were to sing another song, I would know the chorus then the rest of the song would be more of me mumbling or humming to the beat and that's just sad.

Since I know so few children's songs, I resorted to singing Christmas songs.  It seems I know more Christmas songs word for word than I do children's songs, including Jingle Bells (the original and Batman smells versions), Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.

It seems however that I tire of singing these songs so often and Isla gets tired of hearing them, so last night I decided to mix it up a bit and sang the two songs that I know EVERY word to.  You'll laugh when you hear them because they are probably songs that you've forgotten about and haven't heard for a very long time.  Song number one:  Weak by SWV.  I used to sing this song in  my backyard while swinging on the swing set.  I thought my voice was soooo killer then, too.  Here's the song:


And, the other song is Salt 'N Pepa's Whatta Man.  My rap on this is so dope y'all for reals.  Here it is:


Anyway, I think I've proved I need to learn more kiddie songs.

Isla is growing quite a bit now.  She's six weeks old and weighs 8lbs and 13oz now and she's finally starting to outgrow her newborn clothes.  We put one of my favorite outfits on her today and the bottoms were too short.  I made the comment to Barry:  "Isla's pants are too small...she has on highwaters today."
Barry: "What?"
Me: "She has on high-waters."
Barry: "What are high-waters?"
Me: "You know...high-waters...like her pants are too short on the bottom."
Barry: Confused look remains on his face.
Me: "Like capri pants almost."  Surely he will understand now, I think to myself.
Barry: "What are capris?"
Me:  Dear Jesus, I think to myself and wonder how to explain this further to a man who clearly knows no fashion terminology at all.  "You know, like the only come to to here."  I motion to my calf.
Barry: "Oh, okay. Like three quarter length."
Me: "Yeah."
Barry: "High-waters!!! And, you make fun of the way I talk!"

A classic example of high-waters:

Oh...I'm also raging (a Derry term I've picked up there) that I've encountered three women this week alone who have named their babies (born after Isla) Isla!  Whaaaaaat?  I heard of no one with that name except for the actress and now BOOM...everyone is using Isla!  Rage!

Okay, last but not least, I spotted this at the grocery store yesterday.  Yes, this is a real item and a real photo taken with my own tiny hand:

Yes, you're seeing it correctly.  It is Delicious Spotted Dick.  But, not only is it delicious spotted dick, it is Just the way you like it!  As you can clearly see in the photo.  What?!  You've got to be kidding!

The earth moves and a baby name game

Well, I missed it!  The great earthquake of 2011!  Damn!  It wouldn't be such a big deal if I were say from California, but being from West Virginia...well, we don't really get earthquakes there.  So, the fact that there was an earthquake in Virginia with tremors being felt in West Virginia is a pretty big deal...at least I think so anyway.  Turns out that the office building I used to work in was evacuated!  Oh, how exciting that would have been...woulda been good craic, eh?  (That's a bit of my Irish slang there).

Since it was such big news, there are already "In memory of the great quake" jokes and photographs floating around.  In fact, Barry emailed me one today which made me spit a little on my computer screen from laughing.  Here it is:

No, we'll never forget.  The pain that lawn chair must have faced when it was so  violently shaken to the ground.

Moving on to other earth shattering problems...picking a name for the baby!  I know we still have five months to come up with something, but at the rate we're going it will bloody well take five months!  Barry likes very normal names...think John, James, Thomas, Jane, etc.  I like something with a little flash to it, of course.  Don't get me wrong, I don't want a cooky, over-the-top celebrity name.  But, something that stands out a little bit would be nice.

So, since we're faced with this teeny dilemma, I went and bought one of those baby name books.  The one that has 40,001 baby names in it.  I guess the extra "1" really makes all the difference because 40,000 names wouldn't have been enough to look through.

Well, let me just say, after browsing through this book about 39,000 of the names are just pure shit.  They are.  I'm not talking about the ones that are foreign names, but the ones that are just purely made up. Let me share a few with you.  Here are the names and the attached definition given by the book.

Limo-- (invented) from the word limousine; sporty.  (Because we all want to name our baby after something that teenage girls lose their virginity in on prom night, right?)

Karbie--(American) energetic.  (Well, I guess you'd have to be energetic with that name because your baby will spend plenty of time running from bullies on the playground.  Oh and it makes me think of Arby's and then I start craving a roast beef sandwich.  Did I mention I'm starving?)

J-Nyl--(American) flirtatious.  (Um, What?)

Jacquet (invented)--form of Jackett. (Jackett?)

Barcie--(American) sassy.  (Makes me wanna Barfie...hehe).

Alright, that's all I'll share for now since as I mentioned there are about 39,000 of them.

If there are any Barcies, Jacquets, J-Nyls, Karbies or Limos reading this, please don't be offended and I'm sure they are lovely names on you.